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It makes me feel weak, that I can’t trust myself, that I almost need to let him hurt me again, if only through memory, so I can believe in myself and my decisions. I hate him. Well, I want to. I think. I don’t know. Hating takes so much energy, and all I really want, what I really want, is to forget. To become someone else. And it isn’t enough for everyone else to see me as someone else. I need to be someone else to me. I want to undo myself and start again, really forget everything. But mostly I want to forget the sadness, the hurt of being let down so bad. I never want to feel that again. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not hate the beginning of another day in my own skin. Arkady looks up from the notebook for a moment, staring out the window without registering anything beyond the speckles of light on the skyline. A tower in the distance blinks over and over again. Pursing her lips in thought, she considers the differences between the first entry she read, and the. "Lisa," I took her hands in mine, "I want this to bea Valentines Day we'd remember. I want the day to be something to lookback on with fond memories for the both of us."Lisa looked up at me, "In that case my sweet dear Michael." She paused."We need to talk. Forget about Valentines Day for a moment." She chewedher lip in thought. "We need to talk. As there is something I really haveto tell you." She let go of my hands. "It's about me. There is somethingabout me you need to know."My eyes went wide. I knew Lisa was different from other girls I'd met.What did she need to tell me? I thought for a second. "You're notpregnant are you?"Lisa laughed, "No I'm not pregnant," and she was fighting back sometears, "I'm transgendered Michael. I wasn't born a girl. I was..."I took her hand and pulled her up onto her feet, "Lisa," I hugged her,"Lisa, my dear sweet Lisa. I love you. I love you," I now had tears in myeyes, "I love you for who you are. You have corrected a mistake," Icontinued to hold.
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